We’ve got Morgan, the newest member of BGCA’s Research, Evaluation, & Insights team, here today to share some insights from our most important stakeholders: Club youth.
Not surprisingly, teens have a lot to say about how adults interact with them. But here’s the kicker: they often feel like no one’s actually listening. When we asked through the Youth Voice Survey, administered by Boys & Girls Clubs across the country, “If you could tell the adults in your life one thing about you so they could understand you more, what would you share?” we got some eye-opening responses.
Spoiler alert: Teens are tired of feeling unheard, disrespected, and overwhelmed by adult expectations. They want more trust, less judgment, and for the love of all things good—stop talking down to them.
“Listen to Me, Don’t Just Hear Me.”
One of the big frustrations? Young people feel that adults in their lives don’t truly listen. They want to be heard- truly heard. They don’t always need advice; sometimes they just need someone to listen.
- “I just want to be heard and not ignored.” – Age 16 to 18
- “Sometimes teens don’t need advice, they just need someone to listen to them.” – Age 16 to 18
- “I just wish they would listen to hear me out instead of listening to respond.” – Age 16 to 18
“Respect Goes Both Ways.”
Respect is a two-way street, and teens are frustrated that adults often talk down to them just because they’re younger. They don’t want to be treated like they’re incapable of understanding or making decisions.
- “They should have a little more faith in me and trust that I will make the best decisions for myself.” – Age 16 to 18
- “I expect as much respect as I give. Just because I am younger does not mean I deserve any less.” – Age 16 to 18
- “We’re not stupid—do not talk to us like we are. Treat us like humans because we are the same as you, not less.” – Age 13 to 15
- “We know what is going on in the world, so instead of trying to hide or ‘protect’ us from it, teach us how to stand up to it.” – Age 16 to 18
“Stop Judging. Start Understanding.”
The world is constantly changing, and teens are growing up in a completely different environment than the adults around them. They want adults to recognize this and be more open-minded about their experiences, identities, and beliefs.
- “Adults should try to understand the world we live in now—it’s different from when they were young.” – Age 16 to 18
- “Stop the generational ignorance. We are not in the 1900s anymore. Be open to new things and doing things differently.” – Age 16 to 18
- “You shouldn’t be hard on kids if they’re really trying.” – Age 13 to 15
“Take My Mental Health Seriously.”
Mental health is another major concern. Teens often feel that adults don’t take their struggles seriously, brushing them off as “just a phase.” They want adults to listen, validate their feelings, and support them.
- “Mental health isn’t just a phase—stop dismissing it.” – Age 13 to 15
- “I get stressed easily.” – Age 13 to 15
- “I get mad, even over small things, because of trauma.” – Age to 13 to 15
- “I wish they understood my anxiety—adults just pass it off as being shy.” – Age 16 to 18
All Doom and Gloom? Nope!
Despite all these frustrations, teens find joy in lots of places. When we asked what brings them happiness, here’s what they shared:
- Families and pets
- Friends and social connections
- Hobbies (music, sports, video games)
- Being at the Boys & Girls Club
- Helping Others
- Personal growth and overcoming challenges
What Can Clubs Do?
Now the big question: What can we do with this info? Here are a few ideas:
- Create spaces where teens feel heard. Whether it’s a teen council, an open forum, or just encouraging one-on-one conversations, make it clear that their voices matter.
- Model respect. Speak to teens as equals. Don’t assume they know less just because they’re younger.
- Let them take the lead. Give teens real opportunities to make decisions—whether in Club programming, leadership roles, or project planning.
- Acknowledge their stress. Avoid saying, “You think YOU have it bad?” Validate their struggles and offer support instead of comparisons.
- Take mental health seriously. If a teen is struggling, don’t brush it off. Normalize discussions about stress, anxiety, and well-being.
- Use pulse checks to stay in tune with teen experiences. Regularly assess how teens are feeling about key themes—respect, support, and decision-making—so you can adapt and improve.
- Ensure supportive relationships exist. Make sure every teen has a trusted adult to turn to and that peer connections are strong. Use tools on BGCA.net to help track and strengthen these relationships.
- Ensure your club is trauma informed. Recognize that many teens carry unseen struggles. Train staff to approach interactions with empathy, awareness, and strategies to support youth who have experienced trauma.
Teens aren’t asking for the impossible. They want to be heard, respected, trusted, and understood. At the same time, they seek joy through meaningful relationships, personal growth, and making a positive impact. By listening to their struggles and acknowledging their need for happiness, adults and Clubs can create spaces where both support and joy thrive. When we meet teens where they are, we build stronger, more authentic connections that truly make a difference.
To learn more about what our youth told us through the Youth Voice Survey as well as other national data related to teens, Club staff can check out the recording of The State of Youth webinar on BGCA.net. Want to learn more about the tweens and teens your Club serves, as well as tweens and teens in your community who are not Club members? Administer the voluntary Youth Voice Survey on a timeline that works for you.
About Morgan Brown
What are your favorite ways to engage teens? How do you get feedback from them on what they like and need? Comment below, on the BGCA Youth Development Facebook page, or email ClubXBlog@bgca.org.
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